My family has been anxiously counting down the days until their United Kingdom arrival. Apparently in all his glory my brother Michael has created a new name for the Garrett Family travels... YOLO. The YOLO tour or the "You Only Live Once" tour has caused a slight rift in my family. Michael has decided that to fully embrace the YOLO tour a travel budget is superfluous. Coming up with many elaborate schemes on how my family should spend their time and money while in the UK has become my youngest brother's latest hobby. When these plans are met with the concern of my parents Michael has taken to throwing his hands in the air shouting "YOLO Parents! YOLO." And, while his argument rings true, we do only live once, my mother has taken to reminding him that their lives will not end (well hopefully) during this trip and that they must continue to live their one life after the trip. A life that generally necessitates some form of money.
In honor of my family's trip and to answer a question I am asked on a weekly basis, I will compare the United States and the United Kingdom.
Things I miss from the good Ol' United States of America:
1. Automatic Ice Dispensers--
During my undergraduate years living on Constitution I became used to the concept of ice cube trays. I am ashamed to admit that before those two years, I had never used ice trays. This small fact came up with a few friends over drinks one evening. When asked what I missed about the US I said ice, especially automatic ice dispensers. Then the look happened, the look that makes me realize that something I think is normal/excessively run of the mill is actually bizarre.
Inquisitive Person One: What do you mean automatic ice dispensers?
Me: You know the ones on refrigerators that you just press your cup against and ice comes out....
Inquisitive People: WHAT?!
Me: hm... well... you know it just dispenses ice and water out of the refrigerator.
Richard: Oh well that must get annoying to fill up constantly.
Me; You don't fill it up.
Inquisitive People: WHAT?!
Me: Well it does it automatically....
Richard: So is there a little pipe that you connect your fridge to that pumps water into it and forms the ice cubes... (this attempting to figure out the magic that is automatic ice continues for a long time)
Me: To be honest I'm not entirely sure, our refrigerators just always have ice.
Inquisitive Person: All of them?!
Me: Well most of them, it's pretty common. Some people even have dispensers where you can select the shape of the ice... crushed or cubed.
Inquisitive People: (Jaws dropped followed by total silence)
Richard: Freaking First Worlders.
Yes, so in this sense I am a true first Worlder and I miss my ice. The next day I found a recently purchased set of ice bags in my kitchen (Thank you Richard) and learned a new way of making ice. You fill up this little bag and seal the top, slide it in the fridge and pop the ice cubes out the next day. It's pretty labor intensive but the end product is just as nice as automatic ice. This was fun until I put an entire bag of the ice into my cup and my ice cube privileges were taken away... I like a lot of ice! To my American friends get up and go to your refrigerator, press your cup against that little lever and appreciate the wonderment that is automatic ice. Or go to Sonic and have some of their ice, we can all agree that ice is the best.
2. Driving.---
More specifically driving an automatic. I miss not being the only human within a hundred mile radius who has absolutely no idea how to drive a stick shift.... and calls it a stick shift not a manual.
3. Taco Bell---
I can honestly say there is very little food from home that I long for but I do miss Taco Bell. Which I realize is horribly sad.
4.Television Programs that end correctly---
While working diligently to avoid writing essays I have become a new fan of BBC's iplayer. I have watched a number of Louis Thereoux documentaries in his new series "Extreme Love." After watching an episode on people suffering with Alzheimer's and the people who love them, Richard had to spend an hour convincing me that neither of us would fall victim to the disease anytime soon.... I probably shouldn't be allowed to watch emotionally charged documentaries.
Last night after reaching the 2,500 word mark of my essay I decided to take a break to watch "Escape to the Country." A show in which British couples decide they are tired of their city/suburb life existence and want to purchase a new home surrounded by sheep flocked fields and miles away from the nearest neighbor.
The show follows the standard pattern of real estate programs:
1. The viewer is introduced to the couple
2. Couple lays out what they are looking for in a home,
3.Couple tours three or four houses, couple is super excited about two houses and disappointed with one house
4. Couple debates which house to purchase over a drink.
5 Couple tells the viewer which house they purchase and everyone is excited. The real estate agent hugs the couple at least five times.
6. The couple is revisited two months later. The viewer gets to see how nicely (or terribly) they have decorated their home. The couple is so happy with their new home that they have purchased a new puppy or had another baby!
Steps five and six do not happen in the UK!! My break from essay writing turned into a research project,. I couldn't go back to writing after one episode, I had to watch three more. In every single episode they don't tell you which house the couple purchased! The real estate agent didn't hug the couple and you don't even get to see if they get a new puppy or kid! Not only do steps five and six answer all your questions regarding the couple's new house but it also allows you to know which of the three houses are still on the market. In the US if I watch a real estate show and fall in love with house number two and the couple picks house number one... I understand that I could possibly purchase house number two. However, I have no idea if my dream cottage in the British countryside is still for sale or if there is a couple residing there with a new puppy.
5. Changing Weather Patterns and Thunder Storms---
While the people of the UK love to talk about how rapidly their weather changes, it is nothing like Kansas weather. It may be raining here one minute and sunny for the next thirty seconds before it rains again but the weather is generally the same; chilly, wet and windy. I do miss the sun but more than the sun I miss really big thunder storms.
**** My fellow Americans these may seem like small, silly things but they are things I took for granted. I, of course, miss my family, my friends, my dog, my house, etc. but I was expecting to miss those things.
Things I Would Miss Leaving the UK
1. Tea Kettles---
In the UK you don't have to fill up a little tea pot and set it on the stove and wait 500 hours for it to boil. Instead, you have an automatic tea kettle. You fill this with lots and lots of water flip a little switch and about 2.4 seconds later the water boils. These things exist in the US but they are ridiculously priced and a very small number of people own them (generally just relocated Brits). Not only does it drastically reduce the time it takes to make a cup of tea it is also drastically reduces the time it takes to cook pasta, rice, etc.
2. Sales Tax Included in Price---
Here is something shocking, in the UK the price on the price tag is the price you will actually pay! If something says 1.50 you will pay exactly 1.50 at the counter. There is no debating about how much the item will be after sales tax is added, no digging through your purse in hopes that you have enough change to cover the eight cents per dollar. In America the dollar store lies to you..... everything is not a dollar, it is a dollar plus tax. In the UK poundland is honest, they tell you exactly how much their items will cost and that that price is one pound, one pound flat, no tax.
3. Small British Towns---
At the risk of offending a few people I am about to be very honest. I have never been a fan of small town America. I know a number of people from small towns in America who are wonderful people and absolutely love the small town they are from. I have yet to find a small town in America that I instantly love. But, almost every single small British town I have visited I have loved. There is something so overwhelming charming about a small British town that I fall for each and every time.
4. The Word Cheers---
The only times Cheers is ever used in America is when raising your glass to another individual or discussing where was Kelsey Grammar before Frasier. While I still feel like a fake when using the word myself, I love hearing other people use the word. In all honesty, I need to overcome my fear of using "cheers." I use it on occasion but it feels strange coming out of my mouth and I am convinced I will be swarmed by a group of people demanding an apology for my attempting to be British. The only word better than cheers? Cheerio (and I am not talking about the cereal).
5. British Dogs and Small Children---
After seeing a number of British children in wellies I have decided that if I have children they will wear wellies, even if such footwear is unnecessary. Wellie clad feet=Adorable children.
6. Cheese and Onion Sandwiches----
The people of the UK make some strange sandwiches and I have to say I am a fan. Also, nothing is better than the food served at high tea. But for a moment I do have to defend my people. Americans have a pretty bad reputation for eating terribly unhealthy food in massive portions. While I can't disagree with this statement I would like to share this fact. The UK has taken an American chain, Pizza Hut (which was actually established in Kansas!) and created something that reaches a new pinnacle of unhealthy eats.... the hot-dog stuffed crust pizza. Yes, it is a normal slice of pizza hut pizza then added to the already stuffed cheese crust is a hot dog.
This list could go on for ages, I would miss the game show pointless and the popularity of dresses and tights, the word brollies and the smell of rain, the BBC and weird sports.
After reviewing this list I would like to make my own country. One which is populated with British dogs and small children, serves taco bell, the citizens say cheers and automatic ice is always on hand, it would be a pretty great place to live.
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